As a parent, there’s nothing more gut-wrenching than watching your child go through something traumatic. When my family faced a difficult incident, I found myself overwhelmed with a mix of emotions: fear, confusion, guilt. How do you help your child process something so big and scary? How do you ensure that they feel safe, loved, and supported as they navigate through tough moments?
The experience we had wasn’t easy, but I learned a lot about myself, my daughter, and how we can heal together. I wanted to share what worked for us in the hope that it might help other parents who have been through something similar.
1. I focused on creating a safe and supportive environment
The most important thing for me was to make sure that my daughter felt safe. After a traumatic event, everything can feel like it’s turned upside down, and kids, in particular, are vulnerable to heightened fears and anxieties.
Reassurance was key: I spent time telling my daughter that she is safe now and constantly reminded her that we will always be there to protect her, no matter what. I tried to help her understand that while the event was scary, it was over.
We stuck to routines: We made sure to keep up with things like regular meal times, bedtime rituals, and other familiar activities as much as we can. Routine brings a sense of normalcy and control, and I knew it would help my daughter (and all of us) feel a little more grounded.
I was mindful of triggers: I made a conscious effort to protect my daughter from any additional stressors—in our case it was going up and down the stairs alone or hearing other people talk about the traumatic event since that bothered her at first.
2. I gave her the space to talk (OR not talk)
Every child processes trauma differently. Some children might need time before they are ready to talk. My daughter was comfortable talking about what happened and kept wanting to mention the incident. Although sometimes it was difficult to continue to listen to her retelling the story all over again, I also knew that this is her way of processing her emotions and what have happened. If she didn’t want to talk, forcing her to share before she was ready wouldn’t have helped, so I made sure to let her take the lead.
I stayed present and patient: I tried not to overwhelm her with questions, but I made sure she knew I was there to listen when she was ready. I didn’t rush her into talking about the experience. Sometimes, just sitting next to her quietly, offering a hug, or playing together gave her the comfort she needed.
We used different forms of expression: When my daughter wasn’t ready to talk, I encouraged her to express herself through drawing, coloring, or playing. Art and play therapy became a helpful way for her to share what was going on inside without using words.
3. I watched for emotional and behavioral changes
Even though my daughter was talking about her feelings, I knew to watch for signs of emotional distress. I started noticing some changes in her behavior—things like being more attached to me, not wanting to sleep alone, and a general sense of being “on edge.”
Sleep issues: She began having nightmares in the beginning and would only want to sleep with us in bed. She started clinging to me more than usual and wanted to sleep with me at night. I knew this was her way of seeking reassurance and safety, so I made sure to offer that, even if it meant adjusting our usual routines for a while.
Physical complaints: My daughter would get anxious if we were to expose or touch the areas of her body that got hurt, which I believe can often be physical manifestations of anxiety in kids. I tried to be patient and reassuring during these times, offering comfort without dismissing her feelings.
4. I encouraged healthy ways for us to cope together
We all needed ways to manage the stress and emotions that came with the trauma, so I made sure we found coping mechanisms that worked for everyone.
Physical activities: We spent a lot of time outdoors—whether it was going for walks, playing in the park, or just getting some fresh air.
Quality time: I decided to take some time off and spend more time with her while she was also off school and resting at home. We both needed the one on one and quality time together which helped us connect as well as reassured her that she is safe and that I am with her anytime she needs.
5. I took care of myself, too
It’s easy to focus so much on your child’s needs that you forget about your own. I knew that in order to be there for my daughter, I had to take care of myself first.
I made time for self-care: I made sure to take breaks, even if they were short, to recharge. I would take walks, work out, or talk to a friend to release the emotions I was holding in. This helped me stay grounded so I could be present for my family.
I allowed myself to feel: Healing doesn’t mean pretending everything is okay all the time. I allowed myself to feel the full range of emotions—anger, sadness, frustration, guilt—and made sure to express those in healthy ways so they didn’t build up.
6. I led by example, modeling resilience
I realized that my daughter was looking to me for cues on how to cope with stress. I didn’t hide my feelings, but I also tried to show her that while bad things can happen, they don’t define us. We can get through difficult times and come out stronger.
I modeled resilience: I shared stories of times I’d faced challenges and how I worked through them, emphasizing that while healing takes time, we always have the strength to keep going.
I emphasized hope: Even in the hardest moments, I made sure to remind myself and my family about the things we are grateful for despite everything that we went through.
7. Reach out for professional support if needed
I’m a firm believer that there’s no shame in asking for help especially if signs of emotional distress weren’t going away. In our case it wasn’t severe and thankfully we were able to provide all the support my daughter needed.
Final Thoughts: Healing Takes Time
Healing from trauma is a process, and it’s different for everyone. I know my family still has work to do, and my daughter continues to process her emotions in her own way. But I’ve seen the power of love and patience in helping us find our way forward.
If you’re reading this and your family is going through something similar, know that you don’t have to go it alone. Ask for help when you need it, take care of yourself, and remember that healing takes time. With the right support and a lot of love, it is possible to move through trauma and emerge stronger.
xx
Gigi Alaqqad
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